Life rears it's head

Between work and home life, I haven't been as able to post recently as I want to. I figure that it's a good idea to post something just to get back in the swing of things.

Calling the Kettle Black

In the session, the young man is affable.
Light-Hearted contrarian,
he argues for the debate.

In the group, his stories induce
hearty laughs among all,
but some see other reasons.

In the late night, he stands
alone.
The rain falls as he stares
with bloodshot eyes.

Feelings

Since I received news that my grandmother had died, I have noticed that my feelings appear to be amplified somewhat. I am more quick to anger, and more joyously in love. I feel more empathetic to others' feelings. I don't know if this is because I am paying more attention to mine and others' feelings, or what. So far it's a mixed bag, with a slight tilt to the positive.

Update(1:33 PM): I just left the funeral for Laura's husband. I don't know if it was the service, or just belated emotion from my grandmother's funeral, but this was powerful. I cried many times during the service, and I didn't at my grandmothers. It felt good to cry there with so many others also crying. I felt the pain when the deceased's uncle thanked Kevin for doing all that he could.

There are two quotes that struck me while looking into what to say, and what not to say at a funeral.
"The funeral not only is a declaration that a death has occurred, it also is testimony that a life has been lived."
"The funeral provides the fitting climate for expressing our true feelings. Pain suffered in solitude is harder to bear than anguish which is shared."

Unthinkable

Earlier this week, while trying to help my mother go through my grandmothers things, I received a call from a friend at work. Based on her voice, I knew she wasn't calling about work. My thoughts instantly flash to her daughter. I was wrong.

Thirty minutes later, I am over at a mutual friends house. Her husband had diedthe day before. Her brother was there when it happened. Her brother tried to prevent it. But he couldn't.

I feel so bad for my friend. She has lost her husband, the father of her child. I feel so bad for her young daughter. She lost her father when she was so young. She won't have him to look over her, to play tea party with her.

I really feel bad for my friend's brother. His close friend, his sister's husband, his niece's father.

It's a nightmare that will take a long, long time for him leave behind. I know they will. I hope he can.

Stress

With the funeral for my Grandmother coming up on Thursday, and the move from our current building to our new building at work, I am under a little stress. I woke up last night with a severe headache caused by the stress knots in my neck. I need to forget about the funeral for the next day, and focus on what I can do to move the move forward.

Loss

At about 12:45 Am this morning, I got a phone call. My maternal grandmother had died.

It wasn't unexpected. She had been diagnosed with cancer(melanoma) of the liver in the late spring of last year. She had a small series of minor strokes that culminated at about that time. While she could communicate, it did impair her speech, preventing her from finding the right word. When she was released from the hospital last June, after the last stroke and the cancer diagnosis, the doctors thought it was only a matter of a couple months at most. I know that those predictions are not always accurate, but the doctor is trying to give the patients and their families a realistic expectation based on the condition that they are currently observing. At this point, i started steeling myself for the inevitable.

Just before last Christmas, she started to take a turn for the worse. She had been losing weight, but all of the sudden, she dropped a lot, and needed help to get around. After Christmas, she started using a wheelchair and using a hospital bed instead of her regular bed. For the last few weeks, she was confined to her bed.

I received the phone call last night, and while not fully awake, I understood.

Like I said, I've had a while to prepare. But you are never prepared.

I miss her.

Unopposed Races

While I was standing in line at the poll yesterday reviewing the ballot, I saw a number of unopposed races. While I doubt it will have any impact, I have decided not to vote in those elections. My reasoning is as follows: If I don't vote in those elections, they will still win, but the number of votes will be depressed for those races when compared to the number of votes cast for other races on the same ballot. If that depression could show up statistically, maybe opponents could be found for many of the races.

Without an opponent, there is no debate, no discussion of the issues. With that being the case, opponents in an election seem desireable.