I just returned from the office Christmas Party. I had a lot of fun, but I can't help but compare it to one in the past. You see, the party occurred in the same room, with many of the same people as one of the parties about eight or nine years in the past. Seeing them, in this place makes me also see the people who aren't there. Including my younger self. It made me want to spend hours with each and every person there. The time I did get to spend was too fleeting.
Maybe, this is a wakeup call of sorts. I have great friends. Many that I love very much. I NEED to make more effort to do things with them, and not just a lunch every now and again. We need to see plays, take in a concert, go to a movie, or out to the park. Recently, I've kept my friends at too much of an arms length.
I need to bring them in for a hug.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Preconceptions and Stereotypes
A few weeks ago, I was at a district event for church. I had the good fortune to see a woman that I had met at General Assembly in 2005. I found out that she was in the process of getting a divorce. Since I've seen her a few times since the meeting at GA, I have had the pleasure of meeting her husband. Though I didn't get to know him well, he seemed a nice enough guy. Talking of her pending divorce, and attempts at dating took me (mentally) back to our meeting. You see, one of the things I remeber from meeting her is her telling me that she was recently engaged.
We met at a session called "Often Left Out: Being Truly Welcoming to Bisexual and Transgender People". (At least one member of the panel was Bisexual, and at least one was Transgendered. The discussion basically centered around how some people, and through them organizations, churches, and companiessay GLBT but think of it as Gay and/or Lesbian (what happened to the BT?).) One woman related a story of a board meeting where a member of the board of a church that was in the process of becoming a Welcoming congregation asked if anyone else on the board knew of any members who were Bisexual or Transgender. The board member asked this directly to the woman, who was openly bi, and married. When the participant replied, "Yes, I am bi." the response was "You can't be. You're married.". The discussion that followed in our class pretty much centered around this idea of preconceptions. Bisexual people don't marry, because they like to play the field. Transgendered people are always interested in people of the same physical sex as themselves (IE homosexual). One man described his situation. His wife of many years was undergoing gender reassignment therapy. When he would be out in public with his daughter, people would react one way, and he was stereotyped as straight. When with his spouse, people reacted a different way and he was stereotyped as gay. He self-identified as heterosexual, but he was very much still in love with the person he had married. This led to the discussion how how do we look at the people that come into the church, into our places of business, and into out lives.
Seeing her brought this all back to mind. I have always tried to be mindful of what stereotypes I may be holding at any given moment. Since then I have really tried to redouble my efforts in this direction. And not just in regards to sexuality. We humans do this because stereotypes make our lives easier. Preconceived notions, developed after gathering the most minimal information, help us decide how to address the situation immediately. We do this based on political affiliation, religious affiliation, organizational involvement, the place of residence, or the music listened to. Everyone does this, though many try to minimize it. As important as that, is to endeavor to be aware when you are making the generality. Becasue if we are aware that we are making the generality, we are that much closer to abandoning it WHEN it proves false, and that much closer to NOT making the generalization again in the future, since it's already been proven false in the past.
So what brings this serious thought up? It's actually a confluence of many things. Another friend whose going through divorce. An email I received today that sets up a date when I will likely see the woman from GA again. The GL and BT panels that the Middle School OWL class went through a few weeks ago. Mitt Romney's recent discussion on religion, and some of the reactions I have heard. The video on "The Click List". Thoughts about the holiday season(So far this one's not going as bad as I feared in the earlier comment.) The post has kinda been on my mind for a little while, though in various different forms.
And in case you don't want to leave with anything this heavy, go here.
We met at a session called "Often Left Out: Being Truly Welcoming to Bisexual and Transgender People". (At least one member of the panel was Bisexual, and at least one was Transgendered. The discussion basically centered around how some people, and through them organizations, churches, and companiessay GLBT but think of it as Gay and/or Lesbian (what happened to the BT?).) One woman related a story of a board meeting where a member of the board of a church that was in the process of becoming a Welcoming congregation asked if anyone else on the board knew of any members who were Bisexual or Transgender. The board member asked this directly to the woman, who was openly bi, and married. When the participant replied, "Yes, I am bi." the response was "You can't be. You're married.". The discussion that followed in our class pretty much centered around this idea of preconceptions. Bisexual people don't marry, because they like to play the field. Transgendered people are always interested in people of the same physical sex as themselves (IE homosexual). One man described his situation. His wife of many years was undergoing gender reassignment therapy. When he would be out in public with his daughter, people would react one way, and he was stereotyped as straight. When with his spouse, people reacted a different way and he was stereotyped as gay. He self-identified as heterosexual, but he was very much still in love with the person he had married. This led to the discussion how how do we look at the people that come into the church, into our places of business, and into out lives.
Seeing her brought this all back to mind. I have always tried to be mindful of what stereotypes I may be holding at any given moment. Since then I have really tried to redouble my efforts in this direction. And not just in regards to sexuality. We humans do this because stereotypes make our lives easier. Preconceived notions, developed after gathering the most minimal information, help us decide how to address the situation immediately. We do this based on political affiliation, religious affiliation, organizational involvement, the place of residence, or the music listened to. Everyone does this, though many try to minimize it. As important as that, is to endeavor to be aware when you are making the generality. Becasue if we are aware that we are making the generality, we are that much closer to abandoning it WHEN it proves false, and that much closer to NOT making the generalization again in the future, since it's already been proven false in the past.
So what brings this serious thought up? It's actually a confluence of many things. Another friend whose going through divorce. An email I received today that sets up a date when I will likely see the woman from GA again. The GL and BT panels that the Middle School OWL class went through a few weeks ago. Mitt Romney's recent discussion on religion, and some of the reactions I have heard. The video on "The Click List". Thoughts about the holiday season(So far this one's not going as bad as I feared in the earlier comment.) The post has kinda been on my mind for a little while, though in various different forms.
And in case you don't want to leave with anything this heavy, go here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)